Understand, I'll slip quietly
away from the noisy crowd
when I see the pale
stars rising, blooming, over the oaks.
I'll pursue solitary pathways
through the pale twilit meadows,
with only this one dream:
You come too.
Rainer Maria Rilke
Monday, February 21, 2011
Dear Universe, I feel defeated at times, like now.
Why is it that the very hours when I feel most comfortable in my solitude and have no need for a lover of any sort you present me with one? Yes, she is quite beautiful, intelligent and magnificent, brave and kind hearted. I know you put her in my life for a reason, she is special to you so I will treat her with every ounce of respect I have, with every bit of care I can give and with all the love I possess. I will allow myself to do this, again. I cannot compare her to anyone I've ever shared my heart with nor would I want to but I must admit she possesses some things that many people do not have. This is why she is special to you. This is why she is special to me. Yet, she doesn't allow herself to breath, she doesn't allow herself and her love to flow from her naturally. She questions me; my actions and words do not seem to help so what am I suppose to do? I feel defeated when I try so hard, when I allow myself to let go and love completely and truthfully yet they can't. But I am patient.
Why is this so hard? What is holding her back?
I'm doing everything I can to earn a trust thats never been broken.
Universe, she tells me my words and actions are telling her different things
Universe, I tell her I'd do anything to be by her side
Universe, she tells me she wants to believe me
Universe, I tell her continuously how I feel
Universe, she's not fucking getting it, she's doubting me
Universe, I tell her I love her for the first time and not to question that
Universe, all she says is Okay.
Why is it that the very hours when I feel most comfortable in my solitude and have no need for a lover of any sort you present me with one? Yes, she is quite beautiful, intelligent and magnificent, brave and kind hearted. I know you put her in my life for a reason, she is special to you so I will treat her with every ounce of respect I have, with every bit of care I can give and with all the love I possess. I will allow myself to do this, again. I cannot compare her to anyone I've ever shared my heart with nor would I want to but I must admit she possesses some things that many people do not have. This is why she is special to you. This is why she is special to me. Yet, she doesn't allow herself to breath, she doesn't allow herself and her love to flow from her naturally. She questions me; my actions and words do not seem to help so what am I suppose to do? I feel defeated when I try so hard, when I allow myself to let go and love completely and truthfully yet they can't. But I am patient.
Why is this so hard? What is holding her back?
I'm doing everything I can to earn a trust thats never been broken.
Universe, she tells me my words and actions are telling her different things
Universe, I tell her I'd do anything to be by her side
Universe, she tells me she wants to believe me
Universe, I tell her continuously how I feel
Universe, she's not fucking getting it, she's doubting me
Universe, I tell her I love her for the first time and not to question that
Universe, all she says is Okay.
GOAL#2
Bring my camera (specifically my 35mm Nikon) with me everywhere. I need to capture moments I can keep.
growing painz
"When I'm crying out for change
You tell me it's just growing pains
Oh, I've made mistakes
And yes I know, it's growing pains"...
You tell me it's just growing pains
Oh, I've made mistakes
And yes I know, it's growing pains"...
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Importance of solitude
"What is necessary, after all, is only this: solitude, vast inner solitude. To walk inside yourself and meet no one for hours — that is what you must be able to attain...
You should not let yourself be confused in your solitude by the fact that there is something in you that wants to move out of it. This very wish, if you use it calmly and prudently and like a tool, will help you spread out your solitude over a great distance. Most people have (with the help of conventions) turned their solutions toward what is easy and toward the easiest side of the easy; but it is clear that we must trust in what is difficult; everything alive trusts in it, everything in Nature grows and defends itself any way it can and is spontaneously itself, tries to be itself at all costs and against all opposition. We know little, but that we must trust in what is difficult is a certainty that will never abandon us; it is good to be solitary, for solitude is difficult; that something is difficult must be one more reason for us to do it".
Letters 6 & 7 from Ten Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Rilke.
You should not let yourself be confused in your solitude by the fact that there is something in you that wants to move out of it. This very wish, if you use it calmly and prudently and like a tool, will help you spread out your solitude over a great distance. Most people have (with the help of conventions) turned their solutions toward what is easy and toward the easiest side of the easy; but it is clear that we must trust in what is difficult; everything alive trusts in it, everything in Nature grows and defends itself any way it can and is spontaneously itself, tries to be itself at all costs and against all opposition. We know little, but that we must trust in what is difficult is a certainty that will never abandon us; it is good to be solitary, for solitude is difficult; that something is difficult must be one more reason for us to do it".
Letters 6 & 7 from Ten Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Rilke.
Inspiration#1
Rainer Rilke, I am present every time my eyes gaze over your words, I am free because you've figured out exactly what to say when I am trapped. I have vivid dreams because of you and a stronger trust in the Universe. I am on a constant quest for a self love that is protected by solitude and nurtured by Universe.
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